Don't Just Lay There . . . DO SOMETHING!

I feel limp and boring.

I live by the rule that if your hair looks great (or if you can accessorize your bland outfit) it gives a boost to the rest of your appearance.  Maybe because it's wintertime and I don't know how to accessorize under sweats, big stuffy coats and snow boots, I feel and look like this lately . . . 

And I'd much rather feel and look like this . . . 

Sigh . . . can't wait for summer!

Lookit What I Did!

Gosh, I'm so corny, but I was excited to be able to successfully wrap my hair in a different way than usual and wanted to post these pics.  That's about it.

Oh and um, I washed my hair not too long ago . . . same routine as usual.  Check it out!

My hair is sooo heavy now when I wash it.  I didn't anticipate the amount of shampoo and conditioner I would have to start using.

It's gettin there yall!

Loaded Hair Questions - Your hair is nice!!! Is it real?

Lawd, I'm so tired...lol.

I have been working some really long hours lately, so a sistah has been tired.  And boy did I look it yesterday.  Let me just say that I did not retwist my hair in three washes and it looked like I was sporting a mini afro with some dred locks sticking out.  And then I had the nerve to try to squeeze that abomination into a ponytail and pop on a nappy bun.  LOL, it was a HOT MESS.  But sometimes you have to look like crap.  It's a part of life.  I wish I had a picture to show yall, but I took the hair down before I remembered I wanted to capture this bad hair day on film.

Anywhoo... I washed, retwisted last night and tah dah.  

Here I am today.  

I did a cute little behive type, updo thing today (trying to make up for yesterday) and it was REALLY cute.  But again, I forgot to capture the moment on film.  So I will have to do it again one day and post up a pic.

SOMETHING TO THINK ABOUT

Have you ever told someone that their hair was really nice and then followed up with, "is it real?"  I'll let you think about that.

I haven't done that before, but that's because I think it's really rude.  I haven't been asked too many of these types of nosey questions lately because I am wearing locs now and my hair is short, but I used to get these kinds of questions all the time when I wore braids or a perm.  I noticed that Black women and men for that matter could not possibly give me a compliment about my hairstyle without verifying whether my hair was "real" or synthetic, sew in or glued, box perm or professional or whatever.  Maybe it's just me, but I would get these kinds of questions from Black people in front of anyone at any time.  I call them loaded hair questions because you never know how to answer them.  Of course, I was always honest, but how do you tell someone that they are being inappropriate?

This reminds me of another story.  I had an acquaintance in college that was famous for asking me loaded hair questions every time she saw me.  And if I didn't answer her quick enough or if I gave her the "stop blowing up my spot" look, she would literally put her fingers into my hair to feel for a weave.  All of my friends thought I was crazy.  "Oh, she's so nice." "She wouldn't do anything like that."  And then, while at some event in the student center at my school, I see her talking to a close friend of mine.  My friend throws a glance in my direction that lets me know that homegirl just said something messed up.  When she walks away, my friend (her name is Tiffany) says that their conversation went like this.

Tiffany:  Hey (blank)!

Innapropriate Girl:  Hey Tiff!  I love your hair!

Tiffany:  Thanks!

Innapropriate Girl: (all smiles) Is that a box perm?  

Tiffany: Um, yeah.

Innapropriate Girl:  Oh (pause) I can tell.  I remember when I used to get box perms.

(I guess that's when my girl threw me the sideways glance that said, "you were right.  she is an asshole").

I got my hair permed twice, once while a junior in high school and another time as a junior in college and both times while transitioning back I wore my hair in braided extensions.  I wore braids every day for a whole year one of these times and I'll never forget a guy coming up to me...someone I never really spoke to beyond casual greeting.  He says "how long is your real hair?" I looked at him for a minute, because I didn't know how to answer his thinly disguised loaded hair question.

So I tell these stories because I think everyone's experienced something like this before.  And I just want to know how other people respond to that kind of stuff.  I see so many black women, regular people, actresses, singers, professionals, students, all types wearing their hair in a vast array of styles so I think to myself...they must be getting these kinds of questions too, or asking them.

And don't think that you are escaping it by wearing locks, because there are plenty of lock extensions out there and I have already been asked if I was wearing some.

Okay question...how do you answer a loaded hair question?

Chunky Knotty Lock Tips

Hi all...

I figured my hair is long enough and I needed to do something different. So I popped a few curlers on the head and here we are...

The curl didn't stay too well at all...(as you can see) since I had to take the curlers out really early in the morning. But I rocked it anyway.

The next day I curled it again and it was waaay tighter...and looked a little funny, so I pinned it up and was very flattered with the outcome.

So I washed my hair two days ago. And after washing with the shampoo and oiling it up, I am always very pleased with how soft and conditioned my hair feels, but several days later, it's back to dry and stiff (no matter how much I oil). And I oil a lot kids. So this time after washing and retwisting and drying, I oiled it down one last time and wrapped it in my favorite satin scarf. When I woke up the next morning and removed the scarf my hair felt really nice and conditioned. So I've decided that I am going to keep a scarf on my head for the rest of my life...joking. :-) But I will try to cover my head a little more than usual, to lock in the moisture. I don't do that enough.

Anywho...I have been getting these locs that bunch up at the ends. It's horrible. My loc will be a nice size all the way around, but the tip will be fat and round. Almost like the tip has rolled up and locked into itself. It's frustrating. I have found myself combing out the loc and retwisting, which leaves the tip looking completely different. I'm trying to figure out whether I should leave it like this or continue to take a comb and get to combing the knots off until I have a head full of half way done locs. I've even considered cutting the tip off altogether. My family says it's not noticeable, and they're right, but it still bothers me. Maybe I should just let it grow and hope it straightens out.

Has anyone experienced this? If so, what did you do?

I don't have the face for that!

One of the statements that I hear the most from Black women when they see my hair is, "Your hair is sooo nice" followed by, "I wish I could do that!" And my reply is always, "you can." To which they say, "I can't pull that off" or "I don't have the face for that." Now there is a pattern with this comment because these women are almost always one of these things...

#1- very attractive


#2- very intelligent


#3- very permed up




These are strong, confident Black women that hold management positions at their jobs. Women that make important decisions for their companies every day. These women make fashionable wardrobe choices with a self awareness that allows them to mix and match colors and styles to accentuate the right curves and hide the wrong ones. These women are (as the over-used Tyra Banks expression goes) fierce! And they're telling lil' ole eccentric, neurotic, nerdy, goofy, peon me that they're not bold enough to wear their own hair the way it grows out of their scalp.


Now I talked to the beau about it this morning and we got into a heavy discussion. We talked about dealing with peer pressure as children and the negative images of natural hair and how this causes us to hold negative images of ourselves as adults and so on and so forth.

But I guess the conundrum for me is why women in their thirties and forties who "got it going on" think that they would suddenly look like a gorilla if they decided to wear their hair natural. Now I have seen some rough looking ladies in my day, and let me tell you...a perm, a weave, or a dye job is not going to change how many teeth you have. A bump n' curl is not going to eliminate a weak eye or a slumping forehead. In other words, you don't have to have a certain face to wear a perm so why do people think that you have to have a certain face to wear natural hair?

It makes me think that they are seeing natural hair as a bold fashion move, like a gorgeous runway model striding down the catwalk in a trendy yet slightly bizarre outfit. It's a little extreme, but only someone like her could pull that off. First off, it's not extreme. And second, I'm far from a runway model (and I'm rockin this look, damnit! ;-)

Now I take it as a compliment when people say that I have "the face" to pull off natural hair, but it also saddens me a little bit. It helps me to understand that the person who made the comment doesn't think that they have the right face for their own God given hair.

And when I think about it, I've NEVER in my life seen a woman that wore her hair natural who "didn't have the face" for it. It always seems to suit that person. I've seen some women who are not suited well by relaxers, however. Women with awkward bangs or brittle, slicked down ponytails that don't compliment their beautiful features. And sometimes, I think to myself, "That woman would look really nice with a twist out or braided french roll." The idea would be preposterous to these women, I'm sure.

"I don't have the face for that," they'd probably say.

Latch hooking, beeswax and a little profanity

Yeah, so I tried latch hooking.

First of all, let me explain and describe what a latch hook is in the first place. A latch hook is a hand-held tool consisting of a thin shaft with a hook on one end and a pivoting latch, used for drawing loops of yarn through canvas or similar material to make rugs and the like.
What makes this device perfect for tightening locks, is the pivoting latch. You put the hook through your twist or braid lock at the root. Next, you hook the end of your twist (or wrap it around...whatever, as long as it catches). Pull it back through the twist. If you continue this...it tightens eventually. I guess it just depends on how loose your twist was in the first place. It sounds complicated, but I looked at the process once on youtube and two months later, picked up a latch hook and did it. Considering that my memory is like an etch-a-sketch...I would not have remembered and been able to execute this procedure 2 months later -mind you- if it was difficult.

My opinion on latch hooking. Great process, great way to tighten your locks for an extended period of time. Great! Great! Great! Will I use this method? No. Why not? It works too well. Such a permanent method wouldn't allow me the option of "taking down" my locs in the future if I decided that I wanted to take that course of action. I'd have to shave my head. Now I know that most people get locs with the intention of never taking them out but I try not to do anything that I can't undo. And to me, shaving my head should be an option, not a requirement (unless I have some kind of horrible disease or an outbreak of lice or something.)



Here's a picture of the latch hooked locs.
Granted, I did pull them up, they are still pretty tight on their own. I took this picture about 3 weeks after latch hooking some of my locs. The fact that you still see my scalp goes to show you that they have some serious staying power.

Now the issue of beeswax. I'll get straight to the point, I've been tempted to use the stuff. I know, I know...I shouldn't. It builds up, it's heavy, it leaves residue...but darnit! I'm getting desperate. Gel is fine, but once...just ONCE, I'd like to know what it feels like to redo my twists and have them actually look fresh the next day. Sigh! Call me crazy, but can I see my scalp every once in a while?! Huh? Pretty please?! @!$#%*? (She takes a deep breath and looks off into the sky wistfully).

Okay, I'm done.

Week 4 - First lesson of self acceptance

I've gotten used to my lil twists thus far. Can't really call them dreads, because they still have the ability to unravel if/when I wash my hair. Yes, I said "when."

I'm sorry reader, I washed my hair two weeks ago and did not inform you, nor did I take pictures. I've been a little busy.

I plan on washing my hair again this upcoming week, however, and I will show you the whole process. I promise. As for my twists, I have been wearing them in a little updo. I think it's sooo cute. I get a lot of compliments on it too. What do you think?

The pictures are a little dark, but I hope you can get the gist.

I'm very thankful that I stayed strong and kept my hair natural for two years before I started these locs. Sometimes I think to myself that I will miss my hair being this length once it starts to grow out.

The funny thing is that my hair has a mind of its own. Such a cliche, I know...but it does. Some days I wake up and it is going in the right direction and other days, it's going every which way.

When I first got my hair palm rolled, I must admit that I was so self conscious. I wore a scarf every day. One day I was about to go out on a little date or something...I don't know. Whatever the occasion, I was dressed nicely and feeling confident. I looked in the mirror, without my usual scarf and/or hat and said to myself "I look good!" and with this confidence (and I mean real confidence, not just saying "I look good") came the compliments and acknowledgement from my friends and family. The funny thing is that, I didn't need those compliments. It just took for me to accept my look first. As soon as I became comfortable and assured, I became more beautiful to myself...and in result to being beautiful to myself, I became beautiful to those around me. It just took me longer than I expected to see my own beauty. I thought that I already had it in me. "Oh, I've worn my hair natural for years," I would say to people. "I've accepted my hair."

How arrogant of me. Let me be the first to admit what a hypocrite I was. I still have some issues, as do most (hell, all) Black people do with our hair in its natural state. I'm just blessed to be able to experience the process that it takes to expose my issues and eliminate them. It's kind of like acknowledging your illegitimate child. Article on that topic to follow ;- )

Anyway, I look at my nieces...who look just like me, mind you, and see how beautiful they are wearing their hair naturally. (And don't they know it too)

I would make excuses for them like, "oh, they're babies...they always look cute." As if that will fade once they reach my age, and they'll have to make up for it through perms, weaves, etc. But when I really think about it, I couldn't imagine telling them (at any age) to be something other than themselves. I couldn't imagine putting chemicals in their hair and watching it fall out like mine did so many years ago. I can still remember the look on my mother's face.

The things we do to our beautiful, Black children (sorry mom). It makes my stomach turn now to think about how insecure I felt about my own hair at such a young age. Or seeing classmates with hair breaking off, looking like chemotherapy patients at ages as young as five and six years old. We have a lot of growing to do as a people.

Back to the point...I want my nieces to be proud of everything they do and everything they are. And if I want that to be the case, I have to set a good example. And yes, that's pee pee in that potty! (Look at her, she's so proud!)

On that note, I'm going to wrap this one up by saying be proud of yourself in your undiluted glory...because if you're not, then you're rejecting the God who made you such a great person to begin with. Glad I could share my journey with you all. The next time you see me, I will have washed my hair again.