Okay, I'll just get to the point. You know what really "burns my cookies"? When a guy gives an opinion about a woman's (particularly a Black woman's) hair. And I don't mean saying, "oh, I like your hair" or anything like that. Example time! Back in the day, I used to have this roomate that wanted every *BW to go natural. And while this was a noble plight, his thinking was very, very jaded. He would ask any and every BW with long hair if they were wearing a weave and if they weren't, he would congratulate them. If they were wearing a weave, he would put them down. If they were wearing a perm he'd explain that while BW aren't able to grow their hair very long, that doesn't mean that they should conform by trying to straighten out what little length they
do have.
Okay, wait...what?!
Now on the other hand, around that time, I was dating a new guy. About a month before we made our relationship official, I permed my hair. He told me that if I went back to natural, he would leave me. Said jokingly, but still a very fu... , I mean jacked up statement to make on his part. He said that natural hair didn't look right. If I was having a bad hair day and wanted to sport a cute head scarf, he was very much against it. He said it looked too ethnic or whatever, I forget...it was a long time ago. He thought my weaves and extensions were nice looking, but teased me about them occasionally. (He didn't know that I was wearing these as protective styles, because I was gradually going back to natural, and leaving his dumbass-oops, I cursed).
So with these stories, I make the point that the people who were the most judgemental. That had the most to say about how I (or other BW) should wear my/our hair are always the same ones who don't know anything about how to deal with "our hair". (Oh yeah, and the first dude-my roomate...was Hispanic) I can understand an opinion. Liking or disliking a hair style. But judging a person based on their hair is especially bothersome to me, and even moreso when it is done by a guy. Black men especially, because they can feel particularly self righteous as if they are the ultimate authority on Black women in general.
Hair is sensitive to us. Why? Because it is a struggle that only a BW would know. Hell, we have the most fragile kind of hair known to man. So, I try to keep the judgement down to a minimum. LOL,
except for when it comes to this chick hehe, joking. Having experienced our kind of hair, I have a certain amount of respect for the challenges we face, having to overcome the traditional standard of beauty every day. Hours of research, care and maintenance. Finding a hair routine that is simple and effective. Finding a hairdresser that is good at her job. These are pains we take in order to look good, feel good, and (yes, I'll admit it) to please our boyfriends/husbands/partners.
I guess it just peeves me because I'm a strong believer that Black women have it hard enough as it is. We're hard on ourselves, and when society isn't completely ignoring/dismissing us, they are hard on us too. On top of that, we have our "brothers" (some who mean well) throwing out insensitive comments that end up hurting women and adding to the complexes most of us already have. Imagine if I wasn't a confident, self-aware person. My ex-boyfriend would have
really made me believe that my hair in its natural state was ugly. Or my roomate, telling someone that is wearing a weave that THEY are a fake person. Two men, very different opinions, both wrong on so many levels. This is the kind of judgement that a lot of BW have internalized and walk around carrying.
One more point and then I'm done:A big one that I hear is the argument about BW wearing rollers while in the grocery store, as if that woman is a bad person or someone with low self esteem. How about that woman is busy? Granted, I don't do this, probably because I rarely wear rollers. And yes, I'll admit that I try to look a certain way when I go out whether it be to the grocery store or to the gym. But I don't pass down judgement on someone who is wearing roller sets or a scarf. I just assume that they have somewhere to go later on and want to look sharp. One day, a looong time ago, I was in an emergency situation prior to a big event and had to run to the cornerstore ( yes...curlers, scarf and all). You should have seen the nasty looks I got from the men folk. It was unbelievable. The women, didn't seem to mind so much. They all gave knowing glances with the "I feel you girl" grin. I was in "getter done mode" so I didn't pay too much attention to the self righteous attitudes of my "brothers" the same brothers, mind you that would be trying to holla at a sistah at the event a few hours later. It was interesting how quick the judgement was passed in the stop n' shop, but everybody was winking and grinning at the banquet hall.
Sooo in conclusion, brothers...if any of you read this. Probably not. Probably just talking to myself anyway. Every time you go to an event and see a fine looking woman, with nice hair, makeup and dress; remember that she may have been the very same chick in the store with the rollers and 'house shoes.' LOL And in seriousness, every time you are about to say or even think something about a woman that may be wearing their hair in a way that is not to your liking remember the hangups that she probably has had to deal with throughout life. The work it takes to have to deal with her hair everyday, in whatever state it is in. And remember that whatever you might decide to let come out of your mouth, may do more hurt than good. And nobody needs that. Any ladies care to weigh in?
*BW stands for Black Woman (or women depending on the context). I write that word way too many times in this article for me to be spelling it out.
My hair is sooo heavy now when I wash it. I didn't anticipate the amount of shampoo and conditioner I would have to start using.
I did a deep condition using the desert essence conditioner mixed with about a half cup of olive oil, wrapped my head in a bag and used a blow dryer to heat up the concoction. (Remember kids, the objective is not to dry your hair or blast it with heat, it's just a way of getting all that moistur-ey goodness to seep into your hair and scalp so use medium heat or a low pressure.) Kind of like a steam job.
The whole time I was doing this, I was thinking to myself that my hair is not going to hold as well with oil. But I finished retwisting (which has become increasingly easier, since I am already locked up-aaand, I got a little help from the boyfriend ;-) I blew the hair dry with my blowdryer, (set on medium heat) and not only did they manage to hold, but they hung straight and did not leave any residue at all, except a beautiful shine.
So another day in the land of locks and I'm easing on down the yellow-brick road, like the Wiz. No complaints. In 38 days it will be my one year loc-aversary and I'm trying to figure out what I'm going to do with myself...but that's all the way in Emerald City for now, so I have some time to sit in the poppy fields and figure that one out. 
nger I wear locks, the more I realize that the hair on my head has the same personality as I do. It's different (not like anybody else), it means well, but it will not conform at all. Sometimes, I wish it would but I'm sure there are people out there that wish that I would conform too. When I wore it in a perm, it broke the permed hair in a subtle way, continually pushing through. There was no mistaking my hair texture. The more I tried to cover it up, the thicker and stronger it became until I had no choice but to let it be.
