Pick On Someone Your Own Size Allison Samuels!

I don't know about you, but I see some sheen and curls going on in this picture!

So courtesy of Aunt Jemima's Revenge, I was reading this Newsweek article about hair by Allison Samuels and it . . . pissed . . . me . . . off! I was so disgusted with this woman's tone that I decided to write about it. My main problem is #1 she's talking about someone's baby #2 she's judgemental, trifling and handled this subject matter with little care or thought and #3 this is an article in Newsweek. NEWSWEEK for goodness sake! Not some niche newspaper, a mainstream nationally distributed newspaper. I will post a few excerpts. (Okay, I'll post a whole lot of excerpts, lol)

Up until recently, Angelina Jolie seemed to be doing a pretty decent job with Zahara Jolie Pitt—providing essential and expensive medical care, purchasing land in Zahara’s native Ethiopia with the plan to build a health center, providing a life of adventure and opportunity. Wonderful things indeed, but lately it seems Angelina has taken a page out of Tom Cruise’s book—and it all comes down to Zahara’s hair.

Okay, expensive and essential medical care . . . check! Encouraging interest and pride in little girl's culture by purchasing land in Ethiopia and building a health care center . . . check! Offering child a life of adventure and opportunity that the average human could only dream of . . . check! Giving child insecurities about hair? . . . not so much. Well let's leave that to Ms. Allison, won't we? Heeeere we go!

Photos of Zahara show the 4-year-old girl sporting hair that is wild and unstyled, uncombed and dry. Basically: a “hot mess.’’

Okay, wow! Um, she's a child. A baby. And looking at the pictures, her hair doesn't look all that bad to me. Actually, it looks quite sheeny to me. But even if it didn't, LAY OFF THE KID and cover a real story! Let's continue, shall we?

Hair is often the first thing others notice, be it the texture, length, fullness, or shine. In the African-American community it can also tell a story. It can indicate your background, lineage, and social standing. From slavery until today, skin color and hair texture played a large part in how the overall society viewed blacks and ultimately the way African-Americans saw themselves.

Yes, she has a point. SOME (ignorant, shallow, old-fashioned, feeble minded, racist) people still judge each other based on skin color and hair texture. But "It can indicate background, lineage and social standing." For real Allison? I really wished that she put "Some people think it indicates"

There are many legacies of black hair in America, but the most enduring is this: even those who eschew pursuing European-looking hair still take a tremendous amount of pride in looking well groomed and put together, and still need to devote time and energy to achieve this effect.

Um, I think that's everybody Allison. I think every culture takes pride in looking well-groomed and put together. Oh, but glad that you mentioned that even us natural heads take tremendous pride in looking groomed too. I'm sure nobody would have guessed that.

It’s no wonder that African-American women are the largest consumers of hair products, spending close to a billion dollars each year to control their hair. These same women passed down these perceived notions about hair to their daughters. They usually begin hot combing and braiding the child’s hair to take the kink out at an early age.

Allow me to translate. Black women have so many hangups about our hair that we spend more money than we should trying to "control" it and we pass this baggage and hangups onto our children at an early age, who then pass it onto their children. So yes, obviously we have some hangups and issues about how we are perceived.

But even the mothers who spare the hot comb still have to put time and effort into keeping hair healthy: Any self-respecting black mother knows that she must comb, oil, and brush her daughter’s hair every night. This prevents the hair from matting up, drying out, and breaking off. It also prevents any older relatives from asking them why you’re neglecting your child and letting her run around looking like a wild woman. Having well-managed hair is not just about style, it’s about pride, dignity, and self-respect. Keeping your daughter’s hair neat is an unspoken rule of parental duties that everyone in the community recognizes and respects.

Yes, and that's what it's all about. How we are perceived by people in the community. Being perceived a certain way seems to be very important to Ms. Allison. I don't think Allison understands that Brad and Angie are huge celebrities. They don't care about trends, they set them. Also, they don't see "folks in the community" on a regular basis. Nobody's going to come up to her and tell her to "do that child's hair." Outside of the privacy of her own home, she is surrounded by wealthy people and professional butt-kissers. If not the butt kissers, she's probably surrounded by people who don't have time to sit around judging a 4 year old girl's hair. A little girl whose hair is fine. Just fine! Look at the texture in that picture. Her hair looks more hydrated than mine! LOL

Hair that is nice, neat, and cared for also gives African-American girls the confidence that they can fit into the world at large without being seen as completely different. One truism of childhood is that nothing is more important than being like everyone else. Well, as like everyone else as you can be with Hollywood parents. But not all people will recognize Zahara as the child of movie royalty. To many, she’ll be just a black little girl—and a black girl with bad hair at that.

Again, who are these judgmental people she's talking about and when is little Zahara going to be walking around surrounded by people who see her as just some random "little black girl"? Probably as an adult (or near adult), and by that point I'm sure her hair will be different. And "bad hair"??? Did she just use the term "bad hair"???!!! (Jesus take the wheel!) ~Falls out on floor~

In recent pictures it's clear Angelina Jolie hasn’t taken the time to learn or understand the long and painful history of African-American women and hair. If she had I can’t imagine she would continue to allow Zahara to look like she has in the past few months.

Maybe she did. Maybe she looked at the childish, shallow, prejudiced, judgmental way that Black women have dealt with "our hair" for so many years and decided that she wasn't going to be bothered with that foolishness. Personally, I don't blame her for not attaching as much meaning to Black women's hair as we have. Maybe Zahara is going to grow up with the mindset that we all should have. It's . . . just . . . hair.

This is not to say that critics want Angelina to perm or hot comb Zahara's hair. Not that 4-year-old African-American girls don't get their hair hot combed. I certainly did every Saturday for Sunday morning church.

Aaaw, how charming?! (That's sarcasm, yall :-) Applying that kind of heat to a Black person's hair on a regular basis (much less a child's hair) is bad. Bad, bad, BAD!!! Just because it was done to you as a child, doesn't mean it was right. Forget tradition. It's damaging and wrong! And by the tone of this paragraph, it sounds like you do want somebody to hot comb that child's hair. LOL Don't lie! You just finished bringing it up like it was a fond memory. Let's all face it, that is one little Black girl who is not going to be sitting in nobody's kitchen, getting her hair hot combed before church. Are you kidding?!

Instead, the majority of those writing in to the blogs say they just want Angelina to brush and oil the little girl's hair so it will be healthy and in shape.

Looking at the picture, it looks oiled and healthy. Yeah, yall want somebody to hotcomb that head! lol

Allison Samuels

(I do like her hair, though LOL)

But it seems the constant travel the family’s been doing over the past year has put issues like grooming on the back burner. For the record, Jolie’s daughter Shiloh isn’t exactly looking like much time is being given to her hair either. But she isn’t a little black girl being judged by mainstream standards.

No, she's not - because you barely touched the topic of Shiloh's hair. But Zahara's a little Black girl that's going to be judged by Black women like you all day long. I've said it before (probably not on this blog) and I'll say it again, yes, racism is alive and well but I have never, NEVER had a white person make me feel about my hair the way a Black person has. White people couldn't care less (and that's just my truth). When I would wear my hair out in its natural glory, it was the Black people that always had something to say. Sorry, not trying to glorify White people or anything . . . but I hate it when people say they are negatively criticizing you in order to protect you from negative critics. Call it what it is lady! You are the "mainstream" media that will be casting out judgements about this girl's hair. I don't see any White women or men writers at Newsweek taking on this topic. (Sidebar: I am not taking away from the fact that there are some racist White people who don't feel comfortable seeing "ethnic hairstyles" in the workplace and will even deny us jobs based on that fact, but I don't see little Miss Zahara Jolie having to worry about that.)

There are those who say there is nothing wrong with Zahara’s hair at all, that her hair is in its natural state and that’s just fine.

That would be me! Like I said before, her hair looks healthy to me. Also, I am an advocate for little Black girls. I think they are adorable at that innocent age without a care in the world, no hangups and nothing but opportunity, high self-esteem and flowers and rainbows, and candy and princesses and their hair grows like weeds because we don't do half as much damage to it as will be done in the future. That is what I see when I look at my nieces. That is what I see when I look at little Zahara. Why would anyone want to take that away from them? Which reminds me, I gotta take my little nieces out soon and tell them how beautiful and intelligent and wonderful they are. :-)

I say natural hair---afro, dreads, etc. is fine, if it’s maintained regularly or when the child is old enough to make that decision for herself.

Again, it looks like it's being maintained. Just not styled (I really can't emphasize that enough). Which, personally, I have no problem with. Actually, low maintenance is the best thing you can do for a Black person's hair (I wouldn't be shocked if Angie did some research and found out the same thing and that's why she's letting little mama run free in all of her adorable glory) Also, I'm sure that once little Zahara starts to care, her mommy will provide whatever resources are necessary to get her on the Rihanna bandwagon or whatever.

Until then, the child’s parents are responsible for their general care and upkeep. Zahara is not even old enough to know that her hair looks dry and damaged as it stands straight up on her head. But there will come a day when this beautiful little African girl will understand what it means to be an African-American woman in this society and realize unlike her younger sister, hers is not a wash-and-go world.

Yes, one day there will be some judgemental-behind, Black woman (like you) to point out her "perceived" flaws and try to hand her the baggage that she missed out on as a babe. Until then, I'm sure she's doing okay. Now get thee to the ghetto and help someone who really needs it and stop being a snob, picking on little Black girls with millionaire parents (who could afford to probably just buy their own hair care line anyway).

And boo! Boooooo on you and your article!

Don't Just Lay There . . . DO SOMETHING!

I feel limp and boring.

I live by the rule that if your hair looks great (or if you can accessorize your bland outfit) it gives a boost to the rest of your appearance.  Maybe because it's wintertime and I don't know how to accessorize under sweats, big stuffy coats and snow boots, I feel and look like this lately . . . 

And I'd much rather feel and look like this . . . 

Sigh . . . can't wait for summer!

Happy 1 Year Anniversary to Meeeee!!!!

Guess what today is? Drum-roll please...Ah, forget it, you already know. I have officially been locked for one year. And I have absolutely nothing planned. Maybe I'll use this as an excuse to get the boyfriend to take me out to dinner at my favorite Italian restaurant. But here's how I'm going to do it on this blog. I'm going to make an attempt to post as many pictures of my journey as possible- kind of an attempt at showing the growth thus far. (That will be tough considering that some a** monkey from my job deleted all of the pictures off of my first digital camera-grrr!!! But nevermind that-I will do my best). I will also list all of the ups and downs I experienced in my first year of locking. First things first...

Jan. 17th 2008

One year ago today.  I was very unsure about my brave new hair do.  But I sucked it up and decided to live dangerously.  I washed my hair and my mother palm rolled it using ORS hair locking gel.  I would never suggest anyone start their locks with palm rolls if their hair has a little length to it.  They do not stay for anything.  I would probably suggest braid locks or two (or three) strand twists (but that's just my humble opinion).

A closer view of my head on day one.

3 Weeks into my journey

Uh, yeah, did I forget to mention that in the beginning stages locks don't stay for anything.  I think this is my first wash.  Or maybe just one of the many washes that completely obliterated my beginner twists.  Whatever it was, it was very frustrating to say the least.

circa March 2008

This is around the time I became a diy'er (do-it-yourself-er).  I was mixing up all kinds of concoctions that are still sitting in my cabinets now.  Bottom line...the main thing that consistently gets used on my hair nowadays besides my favorite shampoos are apple cider vinegar, honey, and olive oil, olive oil, olive oil.  I still use the occasional spray bottle concoction, but not often.

Early April 2008

Wore my hair up A LOT around this time.  I was a huge fan of the up do.  Still am, to tell you the truth.

April 2008

Around this time I was learning to accept my locks.

And my hair was definitely budding during this time.

May 2008

Love these model pics.  They helped to boost my confidence, showed the diversity of locks and my newly gained length and introduced me to my new favorite do.  THE BUN.

But a funny thing happened while my

 hair was in a bun.  It was secretly growing.

circa November

Some days it would lay down wrong and some days it would lay down right.

(But whatever it did, it was dy-no-miiite! - just had to throw that in, lol)

Around this time, I was noticing some knotting.  And it was driving me CRAZY!!!  I even considered cutting the tips off of my locks.  Think of that! (But I didn't and I'm glad I made that decision.)  Chunky tips and yes, even knots are normal for some people during the locking process.  (My advice is to continue palm rolling, twisting, latching and focus on maintaining the tips of your lock just as much as the base. - which is something that I wasn't doing at the time.)

circa October

I was getting bored and decided to try some new things.  I was pleasantly surprised to find that my hair took well to rollers.  So...

Also, I got a little spoiled by my sister (aka "the braiding machine") and got to wear the best hair do ever.  I suggest anyone who is wearing locks to go to a hairdresser or do an extravagant style like this occasionally.  I think we all need reminders as to how versatile locks are.  And in the beginner stages, anything different you can do with your hair to occasionally break out of the cycle is good for your spirit.

November 2008

Typical look for me from day to day recently.

 December 2008

So here I am ( in one of my staple hair accessories; the net hat or bonnet, whatever you wanna call it).  I'm one year in and ready for more years to come!

      

January 2009

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY LOCS!  I LOVE EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOU!

Guess who's getting a bath today?

I'll give you a hint.  

It's the four legged (angry looking guy) in this picture.  He is not happy!

But anywhoo...I have been muy busy lately, since my last work project is now complete.  Living in the freelance world, I am now at that spot that nobody likes.  Looking for the next gig.  I am catching up with things that have gone awry in my life.  Like my credit score for one.  (Some hooligans decided to steal my social and now I have to pick up the pieces).  Also catching up on laundry, cleaning and looking for a new place.  Lots to do.  (Sigh!)  Haven't been focusing on the hair really, but it's still growing.  I will be washing and re-twisting this evening.  That's it for now.  Here's a pic to keep up with the theme of this blog.  (Maybe I should make this a general blog, moreso than a hair blog).  Hmm . . . maybe.

People Who Better Not Say NUTHIN' Bout My Hair

Okay, I'll just get to the point. You know what really "burns my cookies"? When a guy gives an opinion about a woman's (particularly a Black woman's) hair. And I don't mean saying, "oh, I like your hair" or anything like that. Example time! Back in the day, I used to have this roomate that wanted every *BW to go natural. And while this was a noble plight, his thinking was very, very jaded. He would ask any and every BW with long hair if they were wearing a weave and if they weren't, he would congratulate them. If they were wearing a weave, he would put them down. If they were wearing a perm he'd explain that while BW aren't able to grow their hair very long, that doesn't mean that they should conform by trying to straighten out what little length they do have.

Okay, wait...what?!

Now on the other hand, around that time, I was dating a new guy. About a month before we made our relationship official, I permed my hair. He told me that if I went back to natural, he would leave me. Said jokingly, but still a very fu... , I mean jacked up statement to make on his part. He said that natural hair didn't look right. If I was having a bad hair day and wanted to sport a cute head scarf, he was very much against it. He said it looked too ethnic or whatever, I forget...it was a long time ago. He thought my weaves and extensions were nice looking, but teased me about them occasionally. (He didn't know that I was wearing these as protective styles, because I was gradually going back to natural, and leaving his dumbass-oops, I cursed).

So with these stories, I make the point that the people who were the most judgemental. That had the most to say about how I (or other BW) should wear my/our hair are always the same ones who don't know anything about how to deal with "our hair". (Oh yeah, and the first dude-my roomate...was Hispanic) I can understand an opinion. Liking or disliking a hair style. But judging a person based on their hair is especially bothersome to me, and even moreso when it is done by a guy. Black men especially, because they can feel particularly self righteous as if they are the ultimate authority on Black women in general.

Hair is sensitive to us. Why? Because it is a struggle that only a BW would know. Hell, we have the most fragile kind of hair known to man. So, I try to keep the judgement down to a minimum. LOL, except for when it comes to this chick hehe, joking. Having experienced our kind of hair, I have a certain amount of respect for the challenges we face, having to overcome the traditional standard of beauty every day. Hours of research, care and maintenance. Finding a hair routine that is simple and effective. Finding a hairdresser that is good at her job. These are pains we take in order to look good, feel good, and (yes, I'll admit it) to please our boyfriends/husbands/partners.

I guess it just peeves me because I'm a strong believer that Black women have it hard enough as it is. We're hard on ourselves, and when society isn't completely ignoring/dismissing us, they are hard on us too. On top of that, we have our "brothers" (some who mean well) throwing out insensitive comments that end up hurting women and adding to the complexes most of us already have. Imagine if I wasn't a confident, self-aware person. My ex-boyfriend would have really made me believe that my hair in its natural state was ugly. Or my roomate, telling someone that is wearing a weave that THEY are a fake person. Two men, very different opinions, both wrong on so many levels. This is the kind of judgement that a lot of BW have internalized and walk around carrying.

One more point and then I'm done:
A big one that I hear is the argument about BW wearing rollers while in the grocery store, as if that woman is a bad person or someone with low self esteem. How about that woman is busy? Granted, I don't do this, probably because I rarely wear rollers. And yes, I'll admit that I try to look a certain way when I go out whether it be to the grocery store or to the gym. But I don't pass down judgement on someone who is wearing roller sets or a scarf. I just assume that they have somewhere to go later on and want to look sharp. One day, a looong time ago, I was in an emergency situation prior to a big event and had to run to the cornerstore ( yes...curlers, scarf and all). You should have seen the nasty looks I got from the men folk. It was unbelievable. The women, didn't seem to mind so much. They all gave knowing glances with the "I feel you girl" grin. I was in "getter done mode" so I didn't pay too much attention to the self righteous attitudes of my "brothers" the same brothers, mind you that would be trying to holla at a sistah at the event a few hours later. It was interesting how quick the judgement was passed in the stop n' shop, but everybody was winking and grinning at the banquet hall.

Sooo in conclusion, brothers...if any of you read this. Probably not. Probably just talking to myself anyway. Every time you go to an event and see a fine looking woman, with nice hair, makeup and dress; remember that she may have been the very same chick in the store with the rollers and 'house shoes.' LOL And in seriousness, every time you are about to say or even think something about a woman that may be wearing their hair in a way that is not to your liking remember the hangups that she probably has had to deal with throughout life. The work it takes to have to deal with her hair everyday, in whatever state it is in. And remember that whatever you might decide to let come out of your mouth, may do more hurt than good. And nobody needs that. Any ladies care to weigh in?



*BW stands for Black Woman (or women depending on the context). I write that word way too many times in this article for me to be spelling it out.

My Hair is a Sponge

So another day in the land of locks and I'm easing on down the yellow-brick road, like the Wiz. No complaints. In 38 days it will be my one year loc-aversary and I'm trying to figure out what I'm going to do with myself...but that's all the way in Emerald City for now, so I have some time to sit in the poppy fields and figure that one out.

Why the Wizard of Oz references? (Screaming) Because I look like a mother freaking scarecrow! (Awkward pause) That's why!!! (Throws empty beer bottle against wall) Damnit!

I'm sooo joking, lol. Just in a rambling mood today. But onto business. I haven't been moisturizing my hair like I should, henceforth, the scarecrow reference and the handy and very dandy, wool-knit hair net I am wearing today. (I know, I know...'foo on you, NaturallyMe...you should be moisturizing your head!') I'll be honest. My days have been a toss up between being really really busy with work and running errands or really really lazy at home. So last night, right before bed, I made a weak attempt to fix the problem. I smoothed some oil into my hair real quick (knowing good and well that won't do a thing for my hair, except give it sheen) and tied a scarf on.

Which leads me to my next little blurb. My hair is a sponge and unless I moisturize with a thick hair cream or cowash (which for me means, wash with conditioner), oil does absolutely nothing for me, except give me a temporary shine. I think I've been fooling myself for some time, thinking that all I need is more oil and more oil. When truth is, if I don't wash or moisturize with a cream first, it doesn't matter. Before I locked up, my hair would get so dry sometimes it would sound like a crackling fireplace. HEY! You know what? Maybe the scarecrow reference WAS right on. (Straw is a kind of sponge.)

Oil alone works for some people. The "oil and go" crowd, so to speak. But not for me. The longer I wear locks, the more I realize that the hair on my head has the same personality as I do. It's different (not like anybody else), it means well, but it will not conform at all. Sometimes, I wish it would but I'm sure there are people out there that wish that I would conform too. When I wore it in a perm, it broke the permed hair in a subtle way, continually pushing through. There was no mistaking my hair texture. The more I tried to cover it up, the thicker and stronger it became until I had no choice but to let it be.

Since I'm talking about what kind of hair I have, I might as well mention that I looked up Andre Walker's hair types to see what category I fall under a couple weeks ago. I didn't post about it because when I saw that there were only 4 choices that I would be picking from (Straight, wavy, curly and kinky) it was a no brainer. I have thick, nappy hair. Um, no kidding...thanks Andre. But I added the site here and there are a bunch of links to different products (good for kinky hair) at the bottom of the page. I'm not much of a product junky, but I like the names...curly custard and whipped pudding. Makes me hungry, mmm. lol

To tell you the truth, I like the LOIS system, because it shows you how to look at your hair and find out it's exact pattern. I haven't done this yet, but I plan on doing it sometime soon. So check it out if you haven't already tried it.

And for good measure, I will give you the recipe to my little hair concoction that's in the spray bottle these days.

What you'll need:

1 8 oz. spray pump bottle (of course)

1 cup pantene relaxed and natural conditioner (looove how this smells)

1/8 cup olive oil

1 tbs glycerin oil

Mix ingredients, pour (or funnel) into the container. Spray and go. Coat with oil afterwards for shine or to lock in the moisture (if your hair is anything like mine).

That about it! Now, ease on down ease on down the roooad!

Lisa Nutter's Locks

I am a starer...a person who stares a lot. If you are an interesting looking person or a person wearing locks, I will stare you the hell down. I will watch you like a hawk while you walk into a room and I will stare at your face and/or the back of your head until you leave the room. Yes it's uncomfortable to the person being stared at but it's something that I cannot control, so I've learned to be discreet with my eye stalking behavior. One person that I was REALLY looking forward to staring at (from a hidden location) the other day was Lisa Nutter, wife of Philadelphia Mayor Michael Nutter. She has beautiful, long, thick locks that compliment her dark exotic features. Mrs. Nutter attended the award show on Monday, along with Ms. Sonia Sanchez and CCH Pounder (other natural hair/lock wearers I was planning on staring down.) Of course, Mrs. Nutter decided to leave the show early. Maybe someone warned her about me. :-(

I did get a chance to glance at the back of her head once or twice, though. Le Sigh!

Anywhoo...here's some pictures of the woman.

Oh and for some really close pictures of her locks click this link. I included this post because I think that it is so cool to see women from different backgrounds and lifestyles rocking such an ethnic and strong look. For the split second that I was staring down the back of her head, I noticed some things...

1. That Mrs. Nutter has chunky tips and her locks aren't completely cylindrical...just like a certain someone I know who was stressing out about it a couple posts ago.

2. She dyed some of her hair (I believe it was her tips) a honey brown color.

3. Even though this was a formal event, she wore her hair down and it looked really nice.

So that's it.

And as a bonus...Sonia Sanchez and CCH Pounder

Isn't that picture behind Sonia Sanchez awesome?!

These women ROCK!!!

Chunky Knotty Lock Tips

Hi all...

I figured my hair is long enough and I needed to do something different. So I popped a few curlers on the head and here we are...

The curl didn't stay too well at all...(as you can see) since I had to take the curlers out really early in the morning. But I rocked it anyway.

The next day I curled it again and it was waaay tighter...and looked a little funny, so I pinned it up and was very flattered with the outcome.

So I washed my hair two days ago. And after washing with the shampoo and oiling it up, I am always very pleased with how soft and conditioned my hair feels, but several days later, it's back to dry and stiff (no matter how much I oil). And I oil a lot kids. So this time after washing and retwisting and drying, I oiled it down one last time and wrapped it in my favorite satin scarf. When I woke up the next morning and removed the scarf my hair felt really nice and conditioned. So I've decided that I am going to keep a scarf on my head for the rest of my life...joking. :-) But I will try to cover my head a little more than usual, to lock in the moisture. I don't do that enough.

Anywho...I have been getting these locs that bunch up at the ends. It's horrible. My loc will be a nice size all the way around, but the tip will be fat and round. Almost like the tip has rolled up and locked into itself. It's frustrating. I have found myself combing out the loc and retwisting, which leaves the tip looking completely different. I'm trying to figure out whether I should leave it like this or continue to take a comb and get to combing the knots off until I have a head full of half way done locs. I've even considered cutting the tip off altogether. My family says it's not noticeable, and they're right, but it still bothers me. Maybe I should just let it grow and hope it straightens out.

Has anyone experienced this? If so, what did you do?

I don't have the face for that!

One of the statements that I hear the most from Black women when they see my hair is, "Your hair is sooo nice" followed by, "I wish I could do that!" And my reply is always, "you can." To which they say, "I can't pull that off" or "I don't have the face for that." Now there is a pattern with this comment because these women are almost always one of these things...

#1- very attractive


#2- very intelligent


#3- very permed up




These are strong, confident Black women that hold management positions at their jobs. Women that make important decisions for their companies every day. These women make fashionable wardrobe choices with a self awareness that allows them to mix and match colors and styles to accentuate the right curves and hide the wrong ones. These women are (as the over-used Tyra Banks expression goes) fierce! And they're telling lil' ole eccentric, neurotic, nerdy, goofy, peon me that they're not bold enough to wear their own hair the way it grows out of their scalp.


Now I talked to the beau about it this morning and we got into a heavy discussion. We talked about dealing with peer pressure as children and the negative images of natural hair and how this causes us to hold negative images of ourselves as adults and so on and so forth.

But I guess the conundrum for me is why women in their thirties and forties who "got it going on" think that they would suddenly look like a gorilla if they decided to wear their hair natural. Now I have seen some rough looking ladies in my day, and let me tell you...a perm, a weave, or a dye job is not going to change how many teeth you have. A bump n' curl is not going to eliminate a weak eye or a slumping forehead. In other words, you don't have to have a certain face to wear a perm so why do people think that you have to have a certain face to wear natural hair?

It makes me think that they are seeing natural hair as a bold fashion move, like a gorgeous runway model striding down the catwalk in a trendy yet slightly bizarre outfit. It's a little extreme, but only someone like her could pull that off. First off, it's not extreme. And second, I'm far from a runway model (and I'm rockin this look, damnit! ;-)

Now I take it as a compliment when people say that I have "the face" to pull off natural hair, but it also saddens me a little bit. It helps me to understand that the person who made the comment doesn't think that they have the right face for their own God given hair.

And when I think about it, I've NEVER in my life seen a woman that wore her hair natural who "didn't have the face" for it. It always seems to suit that person. I've seen some women who are not suited well by relaxers, however. Women with awkward bangs or brittle, slicked down ponytails that don't compliment their beautiful features. And sometimes, I think to myself, "That woman would look really nice with a twist out or braided french roll." The idea would be preposterous to these women, I'm sure.

"I don't have the face for that," they'd probably say.

An update...several months later

Yesterday officially marked my eight month anniversary and guess what else?  I went out and bought a new Mac computer so hopefully I can upgrade the pictures and actually add videos in order to give myself (and anyone who reads this) a better way to see the progress I've made.  About the hair...it has grown some (not much) but enough to see a difference.  Here's some pictures...

I've been covering my head at night with my homemade satin hair cover.  It matches the homemade pillow.

This really helps the hair to stay smooth and soft at the roots.  As far as the lock itself, it's hard to keep it looking silky and smooth unless you have a really fine texture of hair to begin with.  But then again, maybe I'm wrong because I saw a White dude the other day with locs and his hair looked thicker and shaggier than mine.  I had to do a double take.  

As my hair locks it looks dry, even though it's not.  In reality, it's fluffy and kind of wooly I guess.  But imagine trying to make a sheep look like it has shiny wool...not going to happen.  So I don't expect to make my dreads look silky smooth.  Right now I am at that point where the hair thickens a little and is fat at the ends, but I heard that this is a phase and with maturity my hair will become more cylindrical.  I think it's getting there.  I have been washing my hair with some shampoo that I bought from Whole Foods last week.  It's called Hydrating Shea Butter Shampoo and Conditioner and it's made by a company called Desert Essence.  I love how it makes my hair feel (and I'd better at $10 a bottle!)  This stuff hydrates and anything that hydrates is good for me, because my hair absorbs water like a sponge.  As we all know it's really important for Black people (especially ones with really thick and kinky hair like mine) to keep their hair moisturized and hydrated.  FYI: Dry hair is not conducive to growth, and it also increases breakage and split ends.  This stuff gave my hair and scalp the same feeling that I get when I pretreat it with the natural oils that I mix up.  The ingredients say that it contains no alcohol and that everything is natural.  It also contains Ginkgo and Rosemary (in the shampoo) and Meadowfoam and Wheat Protein (in the conditioner).  Don't really know what the latter two are, but I'll look them up.  

I have also been massaging my head with this oil that I got from Whole Foods.  It's called Almond Glow.  It's supposed to be used like a skin lotion, but I like all of the natural oils in the ingredients and it's lavender scented which is one of my favorite scents.  It contains peanut oil, olive oil, lanolin oil and vitamin E.  And it's light, which means no residue...which I will get into later.  It's also paraben free and even though I don't know what that means it sounds like a good thing too, lol.  So there tis!  My new easy to take care of hair regimen.  I rub the oil through my locs and go.

Now that my hair has locked up I don't have to re-twist half as much as I used to.  And it also has some weight to it which is great because it lays down now.  I was wearing it in an up-do a lot so that I could pleasantly surprise myself when I let my hair down and it had a little more length to it.  Of course I'd have to pull it down with my fingers, because when I took it out of the up-do, it would just stay up in the air gathered on top of my head.  But one day I let my hair loose and it actually dropped down when I released the clasp.  You should have saw my face, lol.  :-0  Yeah, it's a weird concept, but everyday is a nice little surprise.  For the most part, though, I've been wearing it down a lot more now.  I am loving this phase of my hair and every phase thus far.  My only regret is not doing it sooner.

That's it for now folks!

(Sigh!)

Okay, so I'm a little dismayed today...my entry will be short. As I posted previously, I decided to do some more internet research. Not only did I find some great tips and advice about natural black kinky hair such as mine, but I also found that I have been living under a frickin' rock. There are a million and one websites, tips, videos, women in America (of all places) that proudly wear their hair natural like lil' ole' me. Go figure!

You would think that I'd be happy but right now I am on sensory overload. Example: While looking for natural hair tips I learned that you shouldn't use shampoos with sodium lauryl and/or laureth sulfate (sls or sles) and then I learned that finding a shampoo without sls or sles is nearly impossible...unless, of course, you buy it online. Eh...not a big fan of purchasing online. Okay, what else...always moisturize. Sounds easy. Use tea tree oil and jojoba oil, but you have to use it in its natural state, not the watered down version that they sell in stores. But wait! The easy solution...buy online. Hmm...see a pattern? Now I know that there are places that probaly sell these things in an actual store, but this will require more research and after my CIA investigation two days ago I'm tiiiired(said in an extremely irritating whiney voice).

Black women should stay away from...
propylene glycol, PEG, mineral oil and petrolatum, isopropyl alcohol, chlorine, DEA/TEA/MEA (please don't ask me to pronounce what these words stand for), fragrance (which means anything that makes your hair smell sweet and pretty), and Imidazolidnyl urea and dmdm hydantoin. A bunch of these chemicals are ingredients in most EVERY beauty product there is, including makeup and toothpaste. All of these ingredients are astringents that strip Black hair of its...I don't know...goodness. Some of these ingredients are actually dangerous and bad for your health. I know the last one is a kind of formaldehyde releasing agent.

So I'm surfing these websites and seeing happy, smiling, afro wearing young, Black women such as myself thanking the heavens for being given such great information and here I am thinking to myself, "Damn! Now I have to look for all of these ingredients every time I buy some hair grease!" I have enough things to worry about. And what irked me even more was that the Organic Root Stimulator company that I just bought my shampoo from, the "Black owned" manufacturer had a shampoo that contained both SLS and SLES. Grrrrr!!! Do you know what that stuff is?! Huh? Do you? It's the stuff they use in testing labs as the standard ingredient to irritate skin. The more research I do, the more I realize that I can't use ANYTHING being sold in regular stores or beauty supply stores (even Black owned). There's not enough information out about Black hair and skin so we've been applying one standard for all to the detriment of our hair and skin.

The lighter side

There were some things I could do. Like washing my hair with baking soda and warm water (which is a gentle astringent that does not strip the hair). Baking soda=grocery store=right down the street=as good as done! Olive oil, same equation. Apple cider vinegar rinse...I can handle that. So at this point, it's safe to say that I am going to be doing things the right way. When you know better, you do better...right Oprah! I just have to find my Sally's Beauty Supply receipt.

So that's where I'm at right now. So much for a short entry. I'm going to go cleanse myself in the waters of Lake Minnetonka.

Peace!!