I Brainwash Myself

Yes, you heard me right.  I have been in my little low moods as of late, and even considered . . . (I'm so ashamed to say it) taking down my locks and starting over.  There!  I said it.  But this happens from time to time and cooler heads prevailed as usual.  So I decided to continue trudging forward and resort to utilizing my brainwashing regimen.  Youtube.  I watch these videos over and over again.  Listening to the music and seeing beautiful locks and listening to the journeys of women like myself.  I figured that I would share these videos with you all, so that if you are having an off day (like moi) it gives you the boost you may need to keep going...

I feel better already!!! :-)

Chunky Knotty Lock Tips

Hi all...

I figured my hair is long enough and I needed to do something different. So I popped a few curlers on the head and here we are...

The curl didn't stay too well at all...(as you can see) since I had to take the curlers out really early in the morning. But I rocked it anyway.

The next day I curled it again and it was waaay tighter...and looked a little funny, so I pinned it up and was very flattered with the outcome.

So I washed my hair two days ago. And after washing with the shampoo and oiling it up, I am always very pleased with how soft and conditioned my hair feels, but several days later, it's back to dry and stiff (no matter how much I oil). And I oil a lot kids. So this time after washing and retwisting and drying, I oiled it down one last time and wrapped it in my favorite satin scarf. When I woke up the next morning and removed the scarf my hair felt really nice and conditioned. So I've decided that I am going to keep a scarf on my head for the rest of my life...joking. :-) But I will try to cover my head a little more than usual, to lock in the moisture. I don't do that enough.

Anywho...I have been getting these locs that bunch up at the ends. It's horrible. My loc will be a nice size all the way around, but the tip will be fat and round. Almost like the tip has rolled up and locked into itself. It's frustrating. I have found myself combing out the loc and retwisting, which leaves the tip looking completely different. I'm trying to figure out whether I should leave it like this or continue to take a comb and get to combing the knots off until I have a head full of half way done locs. I've even considered cutting the tip off altogether. My family says it's not noticeable, and they're right, but it still bothers me. Maybe I should just let it grow and hope it straightens out.

Has anyone experienced this? If so, what did you do?

It's not easy being naturally me...

So I woke up this morning, took off the headwrap and rustled my locks around in my fingers the way I always do. After brushing the teeth and washing the face, I checked myself out for a little bit and really liked what I saw. Not that I don't usually, but most mornings I have what I like to call "bad morning face." Not this morning, however. The face was not swollen; the eyes were not puffy and the hair looked ESPECIALLY on point. Every lock was going in the right direction. It even looked a lil bit longer. I checked out the back of my head with a mirror. The kitchen was on point too. Well alll riiiighht! I thought to myself in the most Jay-Jay Walker, dy-no-mite, casanova of the ghetto voice. I decided to wear my hair down at work, which I never do. Most times, I pin it up in an up-do or stick on a ponytail because I have nosey coworkers that I like to keep guessing.

So anywho, I put on the designer shades, a black neck scarf and my favorite pair of skinny jeans and mozied off to the job. And let me tell you, my coworker gave me the most back handed compliment. "Your hair is..." (long pause) "...growing!"
My hair was not nice. My hair was not cute. It was just
 growing. Like a tumor. Then she says, "Don't worry girl, my hair was in that stage too." For those who don't get what that stage means...she's referring to the infamous, "ugly stage" of dreadlocs. (My coworker has long, beautiful locks. Just to give you some back story.)

Now, I did not stop her gibberish (as my best friend would call it, lol). I let her continue to hear her own voice and when she finished eating her foot, I went to the bathroom to double check. Maybe at some point, my hair decided to do something strange that I was not aware of. Maybe it was sticking up on the top of my head, like in my beginner days. Maybe I was mistaken this morning, because the last time I checked, I could have sworn I looked fabulous. But in a moment of doubt...I had to check myself, cause Lawd knows I've had some days where I thought I had it going on and I didn't.

So when I glanced in the mirror, this gorgeous looking diva was staring back at me. 

Phew! I thought to myself. She was just hatin' on a sistah! I thought it was me for a second.

Dy-no-miiiiite!!!

Yeah, she was trippin!

I don't have the face for that!

One of the statements that I hear the most from Black women when they see my hair is, "Your hair is sooo nice" followed by, "I wish I could do that!" And my reply is always, "you can." To which they say, "I can't pull that off" or "I don't have the face for that." Now there is a pattern with this comment because these women are almost always one of these things...

#1- very attractive


#2- very intelligent


#3- very permed up




These are strong, confident Black women that hold management positions at their jobs. Women that make important decisions for their companies every day. These women make fashionable wardrobe choices with a self awareness that allows them to mix and match colors and styles to accentuate the right curves and hide the wrong ones. These women are (as the over-used Tyra Banks expression goes) fierce! And they're telling lil' ole eccentric, neurotic, nerdy, goofy, peon me that they're not bold enough to wear their own hair the way it grows out of their scalp.


Now I talked to the beau about it this morning and we got into a heavy discussion. We talked about dealing with peer pressure as children and the negative images of natural hair and how this causes us to hold negative images of ourselves as adults and so on and so forth.

But I guess the conundrum for me is why women in their thirties and forties who "got it going on" think that they would suddenly look like a gorilla if they decided to wear their hair natural. Now I have seen some rough looking ladies in my day, and let me tell you...a perm, a weave, or a dye job is not going to change how many teeth you have. A bump n' curl is not going to eliminate a weak eye or a slumping forehead. In other words, you don't have to have a certain face to wear a perm so why do people think that you have to have a certain face to wear natural hair?

It makes me think that they are seeing natural hair as a bold fashion move, like a gorgeous runway model striding down the catwalk in a trendy yet slightly bizarre outfit. It's a little extreme, but only someone like her could pull that off. First off, it's not extreme. And second, I'm far from a runway model (and I'm rockin this look, damnit! ;-)

Now I take it as a compliment when people say that I have "the face" to pull off natural hair, but it also saddens me a little bit. It helps me to understand that the person who made the comment doesn't think that they have the right face for their own God given hair.

And when I think about it, I've NEVER in my life seen a woman that wore her hair natural who "didn't have the face" for it. It always seems to suit that person. I've seen some women who are not suited well by relaxers, however. Women with awkward bangs or brittle, slicked down ponytails that don't compliment their beautiful features. And sometimes, I think to myself, "That woman would look really nice with a twist out or braided french roll." The idea would be preposterous to these women, I'm sure.

"I don't have the face for that," they'd probably say.

An update...several months later

Yesterday officially marked my eight month anniversary and guess what else?  I went out and bought a new Mac computer so hopefully I can upgrade the pictures and actually add videos in order to give myself (and anyone who reads this) a better way to see the progress I've made.  About the hair...it has grown some (not much) but enough to see a difference.  Here's some pictures...

I've been covering my head at night with my homemade satin hair cover.  It matches the homemade pillow.

This really helps the hair to stay smooth and soft at the roots.  As far as the lock itself, it's hard to keep it looking silky and smooth unless you have a really fine texture of hair to begin with.  But then again, maybe I'm wrong because I saw a White dude the other day with locs and his hair looked thicker and shaggier than mine.  I had to do a double take.  

As my hair locks it looks dry, even though it's not.  In reality, it's fluffy and kind of wooly I guess.  But imagine trying to make a sheep look like it has shiny wool...not going to happen.  So I don't expect to make my dreads look silky smooth.  Right now I am at that point where the hair thickens a little and is fat at the ends, but I heard that this is a phase and with maturity my hair will become more cylindrical.  I think it's getting there.  I have been washing my hair with some shampoo that I bought from Whole Foods last week.  It's called Hydrating Shea Butter Shampoo and Conditioner and it's made by a company called Desert Essence.  I love how it makes my hair feel (and I'd better at $10 a bottle!)  This stuff hydrates and anything that hydrates is good for me, because my hair absorbs water like a sponge.  As we all know it's really important for Black people (especially ones with really thick and kinky hair like mine) to keep their hair moisturized and hydrated.  FYI: Dry hair is not conducive to growth, and it also increases breakage and split ends.  This stuff gave my hair and scalp the same feeling that I get when I pretreat it with the natural oils that I mix up.  The ingredients say that it contains no alcohol and that everything is natural.  It also contains Ginkgo and Rosemary (in the shampoo) and Meadowfoam and Wheat Protein (in the conditioner).  Don't really know what the latter two are, but I'll look them up.  

I have also been massaging my head with this oil that I got from Whole Foods.  It's called Almond Glow.  It's supposed to be used like a skin lotion, but I like all of the natural oils in the ingredients and it's lavender scented which is one of my favorite scents.  It contains peanut oil, olive oil, lanolin oil and vitamin E.  And it's light, which means no residue...which I will get into later.  It's also paraben free and even though I don't know what that means it sounds like a good thing too, lol.  So there tis!  My new easy to take care of hair regimen.  I rub the oil through my locs and go.

Now that my hair has locked up I don't have to re-twist half as much as I used to.  And it also has some weight to it which is great because it lays down now.  I was wearing it in an up-do a lot so that I could pleasantly surprise myself when I let my hair down and it had a little more length to it.  Of course I'd have to pull it down with my fingers, because when I took it out of the up-do, it would just stay up in the air gathered on top of my head.  But one day I let my hair loose and it actually dropped down when I released the clasp.  You should have saw my face, lol.  :-0  Yeah, it's a weird concept, but everyday is a nice little surprise.  For the most part, though, I've been wearing it down a lot more now.  I am loving this phase of my hair and every phase thus far.  My only regret is not doing it sooner.

That's it for now folks!

Happy 4 Month Anniversary

Hey everybody...I just realized that it's my four month anniversary. Not that it means anything, but I figured I'd do a quick blurb on my hair today. I've taken out the extensions and did a no-poo shampoo yesterday. I used herbal cleanse...I forget the brand name, but I'll post it up here as soon as I remember or see it. I didn't feel like going through the whole hair washing regimen and I figured that this would be a good time to try the no-poo.

My Take On No-Poo

A No-Poo or "dry shampoo" if you want to get technical, is kind of like using an anti-bacterial hand sanitizer on your hair. You squeeze the contents onto your scalp, wait one minute, and then rub it in with a towel. It is a clear gel that smells like alchohol mixed with a sorry excuse for a fragrance (well, mine does.) The boyfriend likes the smell...but what the -bleep- does he know? There's really nothing more to it than this, though. If you want to clean each twist/loc/braid individually, you put the gel onto the towel and rub it down the the hair you are cleansing, from root to tips.

I did this yesterday in sections as well as retwisted each loc with mango lime locking gel. The hair is looking tight (despite the fuzzies...we'll talk about that later), but I think I will have to end up doing a rinse because the problem with this kind of leave-in shampoo is the residue it leaves behind. Just like with anti-bacterial hand sanitizer, you are not rinsing this stuff out and although it dries quickly, it leaves the dead remains of whatever bacteria it has killed...that's right...on your scalp. Soooo, it's more convenient. It definitely gets the hair clean. But if you are meticulous (see: anal) like me, you are probably going to want to rinse and possibly even retwist. If not, you're still good to go. That's it for today.

I'll post up pictures of my frizzy, yet newly retwisted locs when I get a chance.

A Girl Can Dream, Right?!

So I did a photo shoot for a friend. Yes, me. He says that I have the perfect look for what he was going for (And let me tell you, that compliment did wonders for a sistah's ego :-)

For the photo shoot...my sister added some extensions to my hair. She was not able to touch it up on the day of the photo shoot, but I tucked that bad boy into a bun and we did the model thing in the streets of Philadelphia wherever the photographer felt motivated to snap a picture. It was oh so natural! And the pictures turned out pretty great, I must say...

I'm quite proud of myself actually. The problem was taking that crap out of my hair. Actually, the crap is still in my hair. I kind of like it. And I wish my hair would grow already so that I can put it into a cute bun like the picture. Or so that I can wear it down.

So I've been walking around, perpitrating with a big-A bun on my head telling the people at church, "Yes! It's all mine." (Cause you know Black women will ask you in a heartbeat). I guess I forgot how childish and impatient I can be. But when it came time to take my hair down, I was immediately reminded.

I will take it out soon and come clean, I promise.

Daydreaming

But that will be me one day!